Three weeks down: successfully abstained from playing games on my phone, and still going.
BUT.
I’m really struggling with a couple of things that have rushed in to fill the empty spaces left: FOOD and INSTAGRAM.
I’m overeating. And I’m scrolling FOR POINTLESS HOURS through social media. Consuming, consuming, consuming.
In the past, I’d often give up at this point when I observe and experience how relatively unfulfilling/unsatisfying these types of compulsive behaviors are compared to playing my favorite match 3 puzzle games. The games honestly seem a lot healthier in so many ways than gorging myself on unhealthy food when I’m not even physically hungry, piling on weight that is painful to carry around on my feet/ankles/knees/hips. And games feel so much more rewarding and mentally healthy than absorbing images and stories from strangers that are entertaining distractions at best, and something much more “toxic” at worst.
So yeah. I’ve been very tempted to open up my favorite games. I mean … I’m very tempted right now.
BUT. The headaches, man. I can’t afford the headaches I wind up getting from spending hours playing games. They are debilitating. Yes, I still get headaches even when I don’t play the games, but not as frequently or for as long.
Also, I made a conscious choice to not be too hard on myself in the first couple weeks of no-game-play. I allowed for these other compulsive escapist behaviors to rush in to fill the void, and be kind to myself about it. I allowed myself to measure success solely on not playing games, and not to pile on a whole bunch of other requirements and judgments.
I know some of the solutions and alternatives I need to implement and choose to be healthier. But for now I’m giving myself some grace and just being mindful of what’s going on: the desire to get mindLESS, whether it’s through food or entertaining/stupid media consumption or game play.
I want a vision of ways I can experience that immersive escapist mindLESSness of effortlessly doing “nothing” — resting, or “doing” something that requires no outlay of energy or emotional engagement when I have none and my tank is empty. Like I said before, reading is one of those things that can come close. But it does require more practice and planning. Movement is another (dancing, stretching, walking, etc.) but it’s not always practical (in the middle of the night, for example), or when I very much *need* relief and escape from overwhelming stimuli and stressors like *bright lights/sunshine and/or *being perceived and/or encountering people and having to engage with or at least acknowledge them, or just be exposed to their noises, smells, eye contact, etc.
It sucks but after writing that I am just more convinced I should allow myself to play my games. Right now!!!! Especially after all of these days of forced/more interaction with family and my wife than I can handle due to Mother’s Day, Memorial Day weekend, etc. Like … just let yourself do it!! Three weeks is/was enough!! Take a break from taking a break!!! But then I think about what I want to do and experience *more* than staying up all night (because let’s be honest; once I start, I can’t stop — THAT’S A WHOLE BIG PART OF THE PROBLEM!!!)
I don’t know what I’m going to do right now, to be honest.